I just finished reading

The Governess Affair by Courtney Milan.

(which is free to download at that link!)

Like her other books that I’ve read, it feels a little too short and rushed to me, but it’s SO SWEET OMG. My exact favorite thing is sex scenes that are simultaneously appealing on a sexiness-level, and also make me squee and feel so happy for the characters. On both those levels, this is my favorite of her books so far.

Some spoilery content notes if you don’t want to be surprised:

Continue reading “I just finished reading”

Post called on account of presidential debate

Sparkly and I went to a debate-watching party and it was nice but it + bus ride was LONG. And then when I got there,

  1. the debate didn’t start until 1.5 hours after the party started
  2. Sparkly didn’t get out of eir class until 1 hour after the party started
  3. in my effort to be on time (which I should have known I wouldn’t actually want to be on time, but I didn’t realize that) I got there like half an hour early, and to avoid just sitting around I deliberately got off the bus at the “wrong” stop and walked back to pass the time.

So I was out of the house for about six hours total, and it was cold, both outside and at the party, and I’m tired now.


In which I get self-indulgently metaphorical

(or: this again)

There are people out there who have real honest-to-goodness immediate genuine Feelings of fear and anxiety, instead of freeze-dried individually wrapped text-message notification awarenesses of disaster occurring. What a thing. What things there are in this world.

Like, ok, you have your heart-pounding terror, good for you, and I have my heart-sorta-pounding-but-in-a-fake-low-blood-pressure-way and my slow slow frozen thoughts and my calmly and gently attempting damage control measures while the world collapses.

They sorta kinda implied that heart-pounding terroriness is the definition of Real trauma, but I know that’s not what they meant, and it’s not even really what they said. I’m not complaining about that.

I’m just having that feeling that’s like: why am I so un-relatable?

I feel like the only people I’ve heard describe doing the thing that I do– they don’t analyze it in terms of anxiety or anything like that. They don’t use those words for themselves. They think they’re actually being normal-calm. So I can’t exactly discuss it with them.

I wish I knew…

at what age I read various books. I can “date” some of the ones I read while I was elementary-school age, because I remember reading them at school or talking to my classmates about them so I know what grade I was in at the time.

But I have zero idea when I first read A Wrinkle in Time, except that I was fairly young. Same for the first time I read The Hobbit. Except that it was early enough that I’d mostly forgotten it by the time the LOTR movies came out. Or A Wizard of Earthsea, come to think of it.

This might be redundant I don’t remember

I saw this thing ages ago and I’m not sure if I wrote about it before or not. But there was Ace Discourseā„¢ on my dash today (another person who had the opposite of my experience with the split attraction model) and it reminded me of this thing from a while ago. I don’t want to rehash the split attraction model post (I say for my own benefit so I won’t keep rehashing it in my mind), what I want to talk about is what’s “gray” about my sexuality, what made me feel like my attraction was not sexual enough to be real attraction, and how I currently conceive of the weirdness of my experience of sexual attraction.

Continue reading “This might be redundant I don’t remember”