Food diary

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Sparkly had to write a short essay

about communicating with clients as a lawyer, and ey chose to write about being patient with clients and listening to what they have to say, and how dehumanizing it is for clients to be treated as a cog in a machine and just processed as fast as possible. Ey said ey wants to always be patient and respectful with the… I don’t know, civilians? Technically since ey is working for the prosecutor they aren’t eir clients, ey is theoretically trying to put them in jail… that ey works with, so they can leave court feeling good about their decisions and about the legal system in general.

I love em so much.

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I went to a party. (And spent the afternoon helping prepare food beforehand.) It was reasonably nice. I’m tired.

Yeah, I’ve been doing a lot of “I’m tired” updates lately. I am actually doing better now, I just need to get back to spending time on writing regularly.

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I really shouldn’t be surprised by this anymore

News flash, yes, background noise really affects me. I was working on a draft of something kind of complicated, and then Sparkly asked me to put the radio on, and yeah, I’m done. Unless I’m very tired, I can shut out noise well enough to read, but writing is just hard.

(I am feeling better today, though. I slept in and had the wonderful curry of joy for dinner and did not read anything unpleasant.)

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I’ve just been feeling stressed and gloomy lately. It’s cold and the weather is nasty, but I got out of the house and did some errands today, and I’m feeling a little more alive. I’ve just been feeling stressed and gloomy lately. I’m going to a [fan organization] thing tonight, we’ll see how that goes.

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3/25 Food

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I keep telling myself I should write about empathy/mirroring/relating to other people, but I don’t know where to start. I don’t really have a framework for understanding any of it myself– I can’t find anyone else who’s written much about it. Apparently even “hyperempathy”, the simplest and easiest-to-pin-down idea that I’ve got right now, isn’t really a widely recognized thing. Argh.

I was going to try to write more, but I’m tired. I guess I can just do a bunch of short stories of weird things, like the “stuff about my sexuality” posts.

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3/24 Food

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More re-reading thoughts

I’m rereading the wonderful bomberqueen17’s Avengers fanfic The Night Has Seen Your Mind, and a voice in the back of my mind keeps going “Bucky and Steve in this story are like Maddie and Julia in Code Name Verity.”

———-

So often, writers treat romance in fiction like this weird ineffable thing, They Are In Love, and never really expand on what that is or how it feels. This gives you the kind of situation people often criticize, where fictional friendships have substance to them, yet characters in romantic relationships don’t even seem to be friends.

But I feel like, even fictional romances that I liked and got emotionally invested in and would call good examples of romance, are lacking something? There’s a thing that only seems to show up in writing about platonic relationships. There’s a way that people describe the really close friendship, the person you trust and lean on emotionally, that (a) really speaks to me and (b) never seems to get put into romantic relationships. And I don’t know why the fuck not.

Why do I have this pegged in my mind as “Vaguely Romantic Female Friendship Love”? Why don’t more writers give it to men? Why don’t more writers take this and make it definitely romantic and also sexual?

———-

This is actually kind of funny, since the first time I read this fic I felt disappointed that it did get sexual, instead of just being platonic Feelings.

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3/23 Food

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