I’ve always told Sparkly that she doesn’t have to worry about asking me for things re: sex, that I don’t feel pressured, that I won’t agree to anything I don’t actually want to do. Turns out this is because if I try to tell myself I should compromise at all, my jerkbrain comes out with “You aren’t allowed to have bad days or moods or problems, especially not weird problems. You should always be able to do that. Or at the very least you should throw yourself at it and die trying, to prove that you really can’t do it.”
I didn’t think I had issues about sex, and I don’t, really. And I don’t have issues about saying no.
But I have huge mountains of issues about saying “I can’t”, and about needing things that aren’t normal or that I “shouldn’t” need.