Sparkly, don’t read this.

Please don’t. Multiple things you don’t want to hear about.

Thanks to the wonders of the “related posts” widget on a post about Autism Awareness Day, I have someone to back me up as I say what I’ve been thinking for a while.

I said here that sometimes my “self-harm” was indeed about coping with stress/negative emotions. But it wasn’t in a self-harm, depression, self-hatred, suicidal thoughts way. It was in an autistic, “self-injurious behaviors”, overstimulated way. Like Bridget says.

I don’t know if psychologists actually classify these as different things, or if it’s just a case of two different communities using different jargon, but I definitely think they’re different.

(Edit: apparently psychologists don’t think they’re different. The list of different people’s experiences here is pretty awesome. Put me down for some of “impulsive reaction to stress” and some of “feels good” and some of “expressing control/ownership of my body”.

——–

I feel horrible that Sparkly is creeped out by my (two, 7+ years old, less-than-a-centimeter-long) scars. I’ve never had negative feelings about any scars before, I just consider them part of my body, but for her I wish I could wipe them away. And some of that is jerkbrain overreaction to someone I care about being upset with me/judging me, which is why I’m putting it here instead of telling her. It’s the shitty siren song of “if you work and sacrifice enough, you can make yourself into a nice person who people will like.” I don’t want to put that on her, I don’t want this to become a situation of sacrifice and begging. I want there to be understanding and respect and compromise.

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