Maybe I really should call myself gray-a

(Meaning, in a “gray area” where you’re sort of asexual but not exactly.)

I never really spent that much time reading about asexuality, the first time around (because a lot of what I found was aimed at people who are actively disgusted by sex, which I was already sure was not me.) I gave up on the idea for two reasons:

  • I actually had sex for the first time and discovered I could really enjoy it.
  • I got started on the idea that it was the kinds of things I noticed and found attractive that were unusual, not the attraction I ended up with.

But just now (because of something I was reading) I asked myself, would I feel satisfied in a romantic relationship without sex? And I think I would. I think I’d be fine with that. I enjoy sex (a lot), and I do have some “sex drive”/desire for sexual pleasure, but if my partner was okay with me masturbating occasionally, I think I’d be okay with not having sex. And that’s probably not normal, is it? Even if it’s not asexuality, it’s not normal.

I do sometimes (rarely) just out-of-the-blue want sex, and specifically partnered sex, not masturbation. I do sometimes look at Sparkly and think “I want to touch you/have sex with you/etc” instead of “you’re beautiful”– rarely. But the vast majority of the time, my mind just doesn’t do things that way.

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