I get the impression that other people have their feelings of social exclusion/ unwantedness/ “no one likes me and that makes me a bad person”/ etc. triggered by comparing themselves to other people around them or to a mental standard they have for things like the Normal Amount of time to spend with friends, etc.
It doesn’t work like that for me, because most of the time, on a basic level, I don’t expect to be the same as other people. I don’t see other people doing things and assume that I’m supposed to be/I deserve to be doing them too. I can feel envious or lonely when I see other people having fun, because I do want to be doing what they’re doing, but I don’t have the aspect of… frustration? that I see in a lot of other people. The “Come on, I should already have that, why don’t I?” feeling.
Sometimes, that lack of comparison is really bad, but in this situation, it’s kind of a positive thing. It means that if I make one new friend, I don’t feel bad because I “should” have ten new friends. I can value my little baby steps of social interaction as positive things for me, without judging myself by an outside standard.
I can get very self-hating about specific situations where I messed up socially, but I don’t do that about my overall situation, at least.