Things about my sexuality 4

Sex is sometimes pretty overwhelming for me. In a good way, but it’s still overwhelming.

(This post isn’t really about sex, but about sensory stuff and feeling overwhelmed. So: not TMI.)

It occurred to me that that probably seems pretty silly from the outside. The list of sexual things I’m actually interested in doing is very short, and not particularly remarkable. But for me, they’re still intense/overwhelming.

I decided I wanted to write about this and I’m not really sure what to say? How do you describe a character of overwhelmingness?

It’s not like the tired kind of overwhelm I get from noise.

There are actually a couple of different flavors of overwhelmingness that can be involved, I guess:

There’s one that’s about being focused on physical sensations, and on one sensation in particular, to the exclusion of verbal thoughts. This can be applied to a lot of different sensations, not just sexual things. I usually don’t indulge this kind of feeling, because being e.g. super fascinated by the texture of a piece of fabric, or a particular spot of sunlight and shadow, does not look good if other people notice you doing it. But it can be really fun.

There’s another that’s about anticipating or reacting to things in an intense way. That’s what I was talking about here. Instead of seeing/feeling/etc. every detail of the sensation, this is more about my reaction and can actually get in the way of feeling the actual thing it’s about. Sometimes I get so keyed up that innocuous touches can feel intensely ticklish, or even prickly-painful, like when you sit in the same position for too long and your leg “falls asleep”. It can happen with small inconsequential things, and also with things that I normally enjoy, that I’m just very excited about. Sometimes I can relax enough to make it go away.

And then there’s another that feels similar to #2, but it’s not because I’m tensed up, it’s because the sensation in question is actually so intense it’s unpleasant. Or at least, it’s consistently unpleasant no matter how I’m feeling, and consciously trying to relax doesn’t help enough to make it pleasant.

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