So yeah clearly I made a mistake

when I decided not to read Amanda Forest Vivian’s whole archive.

Re: kink and disability and weird feelings.

Epochryphal linked to this post in a comment elsewhere, and yeah. The part about receiving pain, and stoicism, and getting to be stoic by choice/as a valuable skill, instead of as a necessity– that’s me.

I don’t have any negative feelings about my ability to endure pain/sensory discomfort/whatever, although I can understand why someone in a similar situation might have them. I want to use that ability, I just want to use it in a way that I control, for a reason that choose, instead of without even the possibility of a choice (for what I mean by that, see the middle of the linked post.) If I’m going to have this ability, I might as well enjoy it.

For me, seeing the ability to endure pain as a positive, strong thing, and a useful ability to cultivate– it to some degree redeems all the times I had no choice but to endure things, or endured things because I couldn’t understand or express why I didn’t like them, or chose to endure things because I was afraid of how people would react if I refused. It feels good to think that those situations were me being strong, or brave. Or even not that but just that I have something positive left from those situations.

I also relate a little to the stuff about submission and showing vulnerability without being destroyed, although for me, the aspect of submission that stands out the most isn’t openness/vulnerability but just relaxation. Not having to be focused and monitoring and on all the time.

But all of it strikes me as true and real reasons why people might be interested in kink. And both these reasons in particular, and “reasons why people might be interested in kink” in general, tend not to be discussed much, especially by people who are at all critical of kink, so I’m especially glad that post exists.

————–

Also the way she writes just makes me happy, because it reassures me that it’s OK to carefully and thoroughly write out things that seem obvious. Sometimes I write something, thinking that I’m carefully explaining a complex topic, and then I go back and read it and it seems ridiculously simple and pedantic. But if, to other people, my writing actually sounds more like hers sounds to me– that would be really great.

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