I considered describing this this way last time I wrote about self-harm, and I decided against it because it felt unbelievable, but fuck it.
Sometime months ago, I was sitting alone at the dinner table. (Sparkly was at an evening class, I think.) I was reading a really sad, upsetting article about something. I think it was a real-life, current-events thing, a murder or something like that.
I felt like I was going to cry, and I squeezed my eyes shut, and I started hitting my knee– gently– with the heel of my hand.
Those three things are all the same category of thing.
They are all spontaneous, natural expressions of emotion. Yes even though one of them is technically self-injurous behavior.
Not every ~self injurious behavior~ I’ve done is exactly like that, but. Some of them are. They are natural reactions and suppressing them is like trying to keep my face blank, or trying not to cry.