Sparkly don’t read

In college I took individual music lessons and they were pretty demanding, and there were obviously also lots of other demands on my time. I regularly cried in practice rooms. Also some punching of, and stabbing pencils into, the acoustic foam wall thingies. Not out of ~sadness~ about my work but out of meltdown over it. Over knowing how it should sound and not being able to do it.

I think I did less actual crying in high school, but I remember similar overwhelming frustration sometimes. Also sometimes over homework, especially math homework.

I don’t think I got like that over music before I started taking private lessons (where I had standards for how much I was supposed to practice and had to write it down), because I basically never practiced at home before that. Or not actually never, but much less regularly and with much less intensity, so I didn’t feel that frustration as often– I didn’t feel forced to keep practicing things that weren’t working.

I have been dealing with this frustration i.e. meltdown in the way mentioned in the previous post for as long as I can remember.

In my head, at least, this way of dealing with meltdowns could be described as “radical acceptance”, I guess? “Everything feels awful but actually it’s ok, stop focusing on the awful, just keep going. Don’t try to force things, just keep going steadily.”


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