(Sparkly don’t read)
Continuing on from this post.
Non-graphic self-harm discussion.
I don’t struggle with self-harm.
Avoiding self-harm is not a struggle for me. It never has been. It’s not difficult for me at all.
Keeping my face blank of expression and avoiding crying are also pretty easy for me. Probably easier than they should be.
I think my ability to go totally emotionally blank at will and my sometimes months-long time delay in reacting emotionally to stressful situations is more likely to be a mental health concern than the self-injury is.
In order to be more perfectly free of anything even a tiny bit like self-injury, I would have to be more blank, more dissociative or wahtever you want to call it. And I don’t want to do that. Going into & maintaining that state of mind takes effort, and… I just plain don’t want to. I want to feel my actual emotions. I want to be free to express my emotions to some tiny degree. Always being the one who thinks before acting and sets my emotions aside is tiring.
And that makes it sound bad but I don’t want to fucking cut loose and go wild. I want, like, two seconds of squeezing my hands together really tight. That’s the degree of thing I’d like to do. That’s all.