Dissonance

Related to “well fine then I’ll stop existing, so there!”

Very rarely do I have dissonance about my thoughts– thinking things like “Why did I think that? That’s not like me.” or “I shouldn’t have thought that, that’s bad.” or “The fact that I could think that scares me, what if I act on it?”

I don’t normally think that stuff. I feel like I have a layer of mental insulation from perceiving my thoughts that way. Like…

Either my thoughts are so much me that I can’t really distance myself from them to question whether I should be thinking of them,

or, if I can criticize them, they’re not really a part of me, so any problems with them don’t really reflect on who I am.

————–

Looking back on this, I’m not sure if it really is related to the thing I linked to. That sort of implies that I’m choosing to distance myself from certain thoughts, selectively, and it certainly doesn’t feel like that’s how it works. It’s more a habitual way of thinking than something I switch on for specific circumstances. And I guess, looked at that way, it’s not unusual. Thinking of things as Just Stuff That Happens, Oh Well, when I  ought to be asking myself if I should do something about it, is a common problem for me. I’m definitely more aware/critical about things like that than I used to be, though.

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