(Sparkly don’t read)
I’ve been reading stuff and thinking about kink and pain. This is probably super unclear because I’m very tired.
The thing is, like it or not, tolerating pain is a useful life skill.
Defaulting to tolerating unpleasant things before trying to make them less unpleasant can be very dangerous, it’s something to be alert for, but sometimes there really are things that you just need to tolerate because there’s no good way to fix them, or there are benefits to sticking with them that outweigh the pain.
It might take a lot of thought and introspection to figure out whether it’s worth it to you to tolerate something, but like… you kinda just have to do that work? There are very few if any completely clear-cut rules, and while other people may be able to tell you more about the tangible aspects of the situation, nobody knows how you feel better than you do.
This is my theory of Tolerating Things in general and it’s also my theory of submission and/or masochism, re: doing things because your partner asks you to or “as a gift” to your partner.