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(these are not all the same level of hurt feelings; these did not all happen at the same time; these are not accusations, I am not saying that anybody made me feel this way or that anybody is to blame for these things)
- pretending to enjoy drinking something that I don’t like
- feeling like the people I’m with are judging me for not drinking
- feeling like I’m being rude/the employees are judging me for not buying something more expensive
- not being able to join in conversation because I can’t understand what people are saying
- feeling like I have to pretend I understand what people are saying even when I don’t
- not being able to hear anything except the music and it’s not even music I like
- not dancing and feeling lonely and bored and also like people are judging me as shy and dorky and boring
- dancing and not being able to think about anything except whether I’m accurately copying other people’s dance moves, whether I look awkward, etc. the whole time
- never being sure what the answers to those questions are, or what I look like, other than I probably look awkward despite my best efforts
overall just being in “don’t look stupid don’t look stupid don’t look stupid, you may not want to do this thing but you have to or you’ll look stupid” mode, and simultaneously being utterly bored, for hours at a time. this is my experience with Places Where There Is Alcohol And Also Dancing summarized in one sentence. this is why I sometimes want to cut my losses by just not going to such places anymore.