Why someone should hire me

IDK why I’m thinking about this right now but I am. I’m thinking about how it takes experience and self-awareness to make a good case for yourself, bc you have to be aware of the skills and priorities that seem obviously necessary to you, but which actually make you stand out from other people.

Continue reading “Why someone should hire me”

It’s probably because Mr. Unable To Delegate is in charge of it

The higher-ups of [fan organization] are starting a new thing that I am Suspicious of, but… they haven’t publicized or promoted it at all that I’ve seen? And I’m not sure if that’s good or bad?

Edit: googling it literally gives only seven results, all of them are brief mentions in the blurb/description of an organization event. So they really haven’t promoted it at all, apparently, and no one else is talking about it, either. It was mentioned verbally at the last event, it’s in the description for the next event (but not actually on the event website, even) and that’s it.

Ok I officially allow myself to be pleased now, it’s probably going to flop and Not be co-opted/a runaway success at something I won’t like.

Much clean. Very organize. Too bad it was someone else’s house.

We got a lot done today, though, it was pretty awesome.

But for an organization with a vaguely military structure we’re seriously lacking in people who know how to lead and delegate. It’s weird. The people who most know what’s going on and who are theoretically in charge just jump into things themselves, and if you want to help you either have to say “what should I do?” a million times, or else you have to just pick something and jump in yourself.

The ones who know what’s going on are the tech experts, and I guess they’re just too used to working alone? It’s seriously weird. I’m almost beginning to sympathize with the top level people who are all about ~management skills~. I like working by myself, but I know how to work with a partner or in a group of 3-4, because so much of my education was like that. The more I see of it, the weirder this complete lack of awareness that half the room is looking to them for direction gets. Set aside delegating or giving orders, they don’t even try to coordinate with each other. Whereas I’m used to constantly telling my partner what I’m doing.

This weekend I’ll be at a convention with a bunch of people from [fan organization]. I might end up being able to update, but I’m declaring a vacation until Monday.

Reminder to myself to print and fill out that form BEFORE Monday.

Also congratulations to myself for doing so well on posting every day so far this year.

I don’t think I will ever, ever bring this up to her, but. There’s a woman in [fan organization] who is a teacher, who works with students with behavioral problems (or something along those lines? I’m not sure of the exact details.) She likes to joke about putting her students in headlocks. And okay, it’s a stressful job, sometimes her students try to punch her and she has to keep going back there every day, she gets to joke about things that stress her out.

But there have been teachers like her who did put kids in headlocks– or just restrained them in ways that are considered okay! and those kids ended up badly injured or dead.

Some reading:

Report on school restraint and seclusion across the US, by ProPublica and NPR

At least 20 children nationwide have reportedly died while being restrained or isolated over the course of two decades, the Government Accountability Office found in 2009.


The federal data shows schools recorded 163,000 instances in which students were restrained in just one school year. In most cases, staff members physically held them down. But in 7,600 reports, students were put in “mechanical” restraints such as straps or handcuffs. (Arrests were not included in the data.) Schools said they placed children in what are sometimes called “scream rooms” roughly 104,000 times.

Those figures almost certainly understate what’s really happening. Advocates and government officials say underreporting is rampant.


Most critics of restraints agree they are sometimes unavoidable. But they say schools too often fail to try alternatives for calming students and use the tactics for the wrong reasons—because children failed to follow directions, for instance, or had tantrums. Indeed, in a recent survey, nearly 1 in 5 school district leaders approved of using restraints or seclusion as punishment.
“We have hundreds of examples of kids who are being restrained and secluded for behaviors that do not rise to the level of causing harm to themselves or others,” says Cindy Smith, policy counsel at the National Disability Rights Network.


There is no national count of children who are injured during restraints or seclusions. But at least one state is keeping its own tally.
Connecticut schools reported 378 holds or isolations that resulted in injuries to children in the 2013 school year. Of those, 10 were classified as “serious” and required medical attention beyond basic first aid.
Restraints in Connecticut schools usually lasted less than 20 minutes, but nearly 200 of them continued for more than an hour. A quarter of the students who were restrained experienced six or more holds during the year. Nineteen students were restrained more than 100 times.
The state also found that 40 percent of disabled students who were restrained had an autism diagnosis. The same was true for half of those secluded.


News article from ABC on the death of Corey Foster. This article has a video that may start playing automatically.

The mother of a 16-year-old boy with special needs who died after being physically restrained by school staff for allegedly refusing to leave the basketball court at his school has filed a multi-million-dollar lawsuit against the school.

“Losing Corey has been a painful and tragic occurrence,” said Sheila Foster, the mother of Corey Foster. “It’s emotionally stressful. I took this course of action to hold Leake & Watts school accountable and to help change laws on restraint and seclusion in schools.”

“I just don’t want this to happen to another child,” said Foster.

Surveillance video made public last month and aired on ABC News shows the teenager playing basketball in the school gym alongside other students and staff members on April 18, 2012. Minutes later he is surrounded by staff in a corner of the gym where it appears he is pushed against the wall and then restrained face-down by four staff members. Nearly 45 minutes later he was removed from the gym on a stretcher.

I think I need to have a Conversation

with someone in [fan organization], and I’m kind of dreading it.

Soooo background:

Not quite a year ago, the head of our local chapter of [fan organization] had a big party at her house, for her friends, and her roommate’s friends, and [fan organization] members and their friends. Lots of people, in other words.
This guy, let’s call him P, who is a [fan organization] member, came with his wife and his sister-in-law.
The sister-in-law looks kind of like me. (He insists that she looks remarkably like me; she doesn’t. She’s significantly taller and skinnier, her hair is straighter, her face is narrower. But apparently we have the same mannerisms/body language.)
I remember hearing P say something about how she’s always so quiet, and it’ll do her good to get out of the house and socialize, and yeah she’s probably having fun even if she doesn’t look like it, it’s hard to tell with her.
I’m remembering all this because about a week ago, P mentioned her to me to tell me how much I look and act like her. And comment on how quiet I am. And comment on my posture and how I fidget. And say he’d like to get a picture of the two of us next to each other, to prove it.

Later that night, he asked me multiple times if I was okay, in an oddly intense way, because I took a break to check my phone/play mind-relaxing phone games. Like he couldn’t believe I could want to be there but also want to take a break.

The week before that, he was marvelling over me having a skirt similar to one his wife has. Inoccuous statement, excessive  surprised, curious staring.

A week and a half before that, he was marvelling that I came to an event he hosted. Inoccuous statements, excessive curious staring, like he was trying to figure out what could possibly be going on in my head.


I’m going to say, About your sister-in-law. Yeah, I remember her. I also remember you saying… (the above). And I remember being a little irritated on her behalf, because it really annoys me when people treat me like that– like they’re starting a project to improve me. Do you know what I mean? I’ve had people try to do that a couple of times. So I wanted to ask you: please don’t do that to me. It’s rude. I’ll be social on my own schedule, I don’t need someone to make me do things for my own good.

And hopefully he’ll respond in a reasonable manner.


I don’t know if it’s obvious to other people or not, is the thing.

(I am going to keep it low-key. I am not going to say this to him.)

But he looks at me like I’m a zoo exhibit that just started talking. Like he can’t believe that someone as weird as me can be an actual person he can communicate with, instead of a mute object for him to pass judgment on/guide around. Like I’m so unbelievably exotic and strange, having the audacity to live my life and be in public and talk to people.

The bottom of my objection to his attitude is, he’s not treating me like a full person.

So I don’t know how what I say will come across! I don’t know if this is something that CAN be kept low-key. If I say it in a way that’s more specific to the situation, if I say “Don’t treat me like I’m your pet project”, will people not notice that I could have just said “Don’t treat me like I’m your pet”? It might sound like I’m comically understating things (which I sort of am.) I’m not sure. I’m not sure if the dynamic is visible to anyone else.

I hope that if I keep it to a fairly specific action, it’ll seem like an understandable mistake and a reasonable boundary, and he’ll respond in kind.

But it’s not an understandable mistake, actually.


Laying it out like I did up there, I want to cry. The way he looks at me is DISGUSTING. I shouldn’t have to deal with this.

But I’ve had to deal with similar things plenty of times.

It doesn’t surprise me and I don’t expect to be able to stop it;

or, it’s an inherently subtle and tricky thing to identify;

or, I personally have difficulty translating feelings like this into words with any kind of speed;

anyway, I don’t get to snap at him and call him out and stop this shit in its tracks. Like would be nice. Like you imagine doing when someone is rude to you. You want to be perfect and clearly right and cut them down, and know everyone will support you.

But what I get to do is:

I get to go with my heart in my mouth, and put my case that he’s treating me like he does this other girl, deciding what’ll do me good; and tell him I don’t like that, like it might just be a personal preference; and ask him to not do it in the future.

And HOPE he takes me seriously. Hope he doesn’t laugh. Hope this doesn’t twist into gossip about me totally overreacting to something. And alternatively, hope he doesn’t get angry. Hope he doesn’t say How dare I accuse him of… whatever, he would never, etc., and demand an apology from me.

Hope he doesn’t say Wow, of course, I’m sorry, but then stare at me ten times as hard because the Statue of a Quiet Girl asserted a boundary OMG how fascinating.

Because my experience is, I might be able to get him to back off a little. But you can never actually prove you’re a person to someone who doesn’t see it.

I’m still not over what one of the members of [fan organization] said to Sparkly. (For the record, Sparkly was fine with this and didn’t find it rude.)

I mean, there are polite, respectful ways to say that you find someone attractive. Implying that they’re giving you an erection is not one of them. (“Two thumbs up! No, actually, three thumbs up!”)

He’s Sparkly’s coworker, in a sense, since they’re both part of the administration of the group. He’s married. He has a daughter who’s closer to Sparkly’s age than he is. I do think there are still acceptable ways for him to compliment her on her looks, even given all that, but… that was not one of them.