60% joking, 40% serious

It’s probably bad that whenever I see someone post something ill-thought-out online and get backlash for it, my reaction is “See, this goes to show that you should just never say things. Don’t say things when you’re angry. Don’t say things when you’re upset.”

Because there’s this pattern where the result is them getting more upset, saying more things they probably shouldn’t have said, people being more critical and less forgiving of them, and everything getting worse.

It’s probably bad, but when it keeps being true, what am I supposed to think?

I have to keep reminding myself

that it takes time for me to bounce back after very noisy events. It’s not actually surprising at all that I’d be feeling tired and blah today (even though the venue for the debate party was really nice and I’m glad we went.)

Dear self:

It’s A Good Thing that you didn’t try to do a bunch of work today.

It’s A Good Thing that you didn’t run out and do errands today.

It’s A Good Thing that you mostly just sat quietly while Sparkly was at class.

It means you’ll be better prepared to run out and do things tomorrow. It’s fine.

Conversation I just had with myself

Me: What should I do? Should I do some more work? Should I reply to this message? Should I keep reading that story? Should I do the clerical stuff for my work? What should I do?

Me: Ok stop, what you should do is eat dinner, you’re not going to be able to think until you eat. What do you want for dinner?

Me: Oh right, I wanted penne pasta, because it sounds good and I need to use up the marinara sauce.

Me: Right. Now, what do you need to do to make dinner? You need to get up, get the pot– it’s already clean– put water on to boil…

(This is a really positive outcome because I only stayed in my hungry indecisive state for like 20 minutes, and then I snapped out of it all at once, and now I’m eating.)

Dear brain

That post that says that the really harmful thing about bullying is when kids feel like they deserve to be bullied (because they don’t have supportive people in their lives), and that anti-bullying efforts would be more effective if they provided support instead of trying to stop bullying,

that post does not in fact mean that you can’t have been hurt by bullying if you had friends or nice parents. (And, dear brain, your parents were supportive for only certain definitions of “supportive”. And for a long time you only had friends for certain definitions of friends, too.)

Dear self,

You are doing OK but in the next few days you need to:

  • Finish that work assignment
  • Take another assignment when you’re done!
  • Go through the rest of your inbox
  • Do something about the AC unit
  • Call the insurance people

You can, if you feel like it:

  • Clean the refrigerator door
  • Vacuum
  • Put more kitchen stuff away
  • Contemplate hanging stuff on the hooks in the kitchen
  • Unpack the last few boxes
  • Probably just throw away most of the stuff in the cupboard under the sink

I cooked food today and it was fine.

I ate food today and it was fine.

I washed dishes today and it was fine.

I cooked more food in the aforementioned dishes and it was fine.

I made this sort-of shawarma today and it’s slightly more anxiety-inducing for me than other foods (because it involves cooking with raw meat, and also raw ingredients that go straight into the final dish, and also eating wth my hands) but it’s so good, I keep forgetting how good it is. It smells amazing and now that I’ve bowed to the inevitable and stopped trying to make my own flatbread every time, it doesn’t take very long either.

I cook some onions in the same pan as the chicken and it’s so good. I need to make this more often.

Happy Food Things slash State of the Anxiety

I ate a handful of grated cheddar cheese today, because it looked good and I wanted to eat it, and it was good. I am having positive feelings about cheese. (And, semi-relatedly, about The Most Awesome Quesadillas Ever. I made a double batch today. My freezer is full of delicious things and I’m so happy.)

Continue reading “Happy Food Things slash State of the Anxiety”