Dear self, on the occasion of thinking you “copied” fictional characters’ trauma

(I was too proud of that subtitle to put it below the cut)

Continue reading “Dear self, on the occasion of thinking you “copied” fictional characters’ trauma”

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Rejection

There’s this article being passed around on Tumblr about something that’s apparently a pretty new idea in psychology. It’s called “rejection-sensitive dysphoria” and it purports to describe how people with ADHD are particuarly prone to being sensitive to criticism, as an inherent part of the neurology of ADHD brains.

And like.

I don’t have ADHD, but if someone was trying to tell me that my sensitivity to rejection

(which is pretty similar to what that article describes)

was just how my brain works,

and not, say,

a reaction to having been repeatedly criticized and rejected, my whole life, for things I did not understand and/or could not stop doing,

(those things having been caused by the way my brain works)

I would be offended, personally.

Bullying 3

This is kind of an unfinished thought, but (a) it’s been sitting “unfinished” in my drafts for a while now (b) it’s pretty long, so it may as well stand on its own.

This is about bullying, a little bit, and also about that feel when you’re afraid of a problem but you’re more afraid of asking for help with it.

Continue reading “Bullying 3”

Ughhhh

Conversations about Abuse Discourse on Tumblr. It actually turned out pretty well, and I should have known this would happen sooner or later, but still. Ugh.

My ugh in this case is actually more about defensiveness than about the actual content of the Discourse, which is something for me to keep in mind.

Fictional character, trying to intimidate someone: And I’ll never let you do XYZ ever again! Muahaha!

My brain: Fine, I can to give up this thing that’s actually ridiculously important if it’ll spite your desire to scare me. I won’t XYZ ever again. See if I care. *crosses arms stubbornly*

Dear brain, sorry, but this is not actually a reasonable response! Even to a piece of fiction! This is not how it’s supposed to work.

Tbh this is a long-established pattern of thinking with me, but I have no idea what it started with. Brain, come on. Stop it.

I am perfectly capable of understanding hints and subtext

I just don’t like them as much.

I don’t like not being able to ask questions and double-check things

I don’t like feeling like other people are waiting for me to figure something out

And honestly people hinting things at me is just subconsciously associated with the idea that I’ve messed something up and I’m being reprimanded. Even when I’m 100% sure that’s not what’s happening, that association kind of spoils it for me.