A few days ago I saw someone describe their skin picking as a ‘non-sexual kink’.
[So yes indeed I did not fully explain the thing I am talking about in this post, because I just didn’t feel like it right now, maybe I will write about this in more detail later, I make no guarantees, if it helps the things I saw were this and this.]
And I’m kind of uncomfortable with thinking of it that way, but on a visceral level it also seems like a very accurate description of things I experience.
Ok so it’s all internalized bs anyway but I still like writing out all the different angles. All the shitty conflicted feelings I have about this:
- stimmy badbrains enjoyment doesn’t get to count as sexual, or not properly sexual anyway, and w/o it do I have sexual enjoyment at all?
- or does this instead exclude everything except straightforward genital stimulation & thus the question is, do I have kinks at all?
- skin picking/self injury in general isn’t allowed to exist outside of the mainstream depression/compulsion/tragedy framing, so I can’t say I enjoy it
There’s this really funny convergent evolution of ideas where I have basically the same feeling of
“that’s selfish and sordid and weird, you should be ashamed, you’re not allowed to enjoy that”
about all of the above, masturbation and kink and stimming and self injury. As well as the experience of enjoying them being similar, the associated self-hate is the same, too.